summer.time for relaxing and having fun with friends right? well not exactly for me.this summer has been great yet not so great.so far this summer has turned out to be completly different then what i thought it would be. I thought this summer would be just having fun with my friends and going to a mission trip with my church and camp and stuff.I pictured me having lots of fun swimming,going to the mall,hanging out with all my friends,and just having a great time.but so far its been kinda like that but for the most part its been completly different.its almost as if everything in my life has turned upside down. In the school year, I had lots of friends.The greatest people that i knew where my friends.But as soon as summer gets here...that changes.Just 2 weeks into summer i start getting in fights with alot of my friends.At the time I didnt think it would be that big of a deal that i was getting in all these fights with my friends but now because of some things ive lost what seems like alot of my friends.And now because of losing some of my friends I feel like i have nobody to turn to for help, for advice, or just for someone to talk to.I feel like everybody just got tired of me and just left me standing in the dust to feel all alone acting like they dont care at all.Because of all this, I have realized what I want in a friend.And I hoped that someday I would find friends like what I wanted.And now I just want to be away from the rest of the world cause it seems like most people hate me. Another thing thats goin on is ive been really stressed latly.With all my problems with friends,some other problems with my parents,Im goin to canada in 2 weeks with my church.ya it sounds like alot of fun and everything but its sooo stressful!!! Ive missed so many meetings and things that im not near ready to go.Its so stressful cause I have to have all this stuff done..by tomorrow actually and i have to do all this stuff and its to soon.Plus im not even sure if God wants me to go.Its just all so confusing and idk what to do. But along with all the bad things thats happened so far it has gotten a lil bit better.Because along with being stressed and everything I prayed alot and just really asked god to take care of this whole situation and he has calmed me and told me he will take care of it.=]]] It really amazes me to see how God can do anything and how he goes in a fixes anything.=]]]] I have really learned alot these past 2 weeks and im sure i will learn more.=D
beach week 2007[[church camp]]
06.08.07 (7:12 pm) [edit]This past week I went to south padre island for church camp.It was the best thing ive ever expierenced in my life.It was so fullfilling and lively. Everything there was so amazing. The beach was amazing, zeke dorr band was amazing, afshin ziafat was amazing, camp alltogether was amazing.This year was honestly the greatest year so far. Before camp, I was so far from God.So far that I wasnt sure if I could even have that firery feeling that I use to feel all the time for God. The weeks before camp I was praying and praying that I could find my God again and learn some new things and hear God telling me what to do with and in my life. All I did on the 10 hr bus trip down there was hope I would once again have that feeling. When we FINALLY got to the hotel after a wrong turn that took what seemed like 30 minutes to turn around, we had to lug all of our suitcases including our backpack, suitcase, and pillow across what I honestly think is the longest parking lot in America and up to our rooms. Well of course my room had to be on the 3rd floor and with around 300 mabey 350 people comming from the busses to go to their room, there was going to be no room on the elevators and if there was we wouldve had to wait for like an hour.So me sarah and ashley lugged all of our heavy luggage up 3 flights of stairs stopping every once in awhile because we were so tired. Well pretty soon this man from our camp came along and made me realize that it was going to be an amazing camp. Like I was saying, there was a man going up the flights of stairs me sarah and ashley were going up. He saw that we had hard time getting all of our stuff up the stairs and so he asked me "do you need help with that?" and before I could answer he took my suitcase and took up half a flight of stairs.I was so grateful cause I was all sweaty from trying really hard to get up.It wasnt until later that I realized that he wanted to help me.And so along with that thought, I started thinking about how when you have God in your life you start to want to do things for other people whether they ask you to or not. So after all that happened and everything we had to go get ready to go to the worship service.As the service started I was hopeful that I would have that feeling of being close to God, but for some reason I didnt feel it. The next day we went to schlitterbahn and I was scared to get on some rides because sarah and ashley had flipped over on one of them the year before and I didnt want to get hurt on them.Well we ended up getting in line and the whole time we were waiting I was so nervous.I was praying that we wouldnt flip over.I prayed about 2 or 3 times before we got up there to go on it and I couldnt sit in our tube to go i had to move my arms or somthen cause i was to nervous.We went on the ride and as it ended I was sooo glad that we didnt flip over or anything and I saw that God kept us safe.=] After schlitterbahn we went to another service and I started to feel God in that service and in the services after that. It wasnt until the last night that we were there[[thursday night]] that I fully felt God.At the service the songs and the speaker[[afshin ziafat]] just really spoke to me.We got together with just about 3 other people and prayed.Everybody started crying and just really praying hard and seeking God.After everybody finished praying we went outside to the patio[[right by the beach]] and we sang songs, had communion,and just talked to our friends, worshiped and everything.It was then that I felt completly and fully happy, amazing, and just plain great.During communion I really saw and rememberd what God has done for me.As I watched everybody else cry because they finally felt close to God I started to cry too.I felt so amazing and I was so happy that I could finally call God MY God and not just call him the God I believe in but not close to.I FINALLY after so long got to tell my friends that I am in love with MY God.We stayed outside for awhile me and ashley just cryed with eachother and I found another one of my friends and he told me the exact same story of how I had finally felt...that he was finally on the right path and he could hear gods voice talking to him.It was the most AMAZING thing to see how God was working through everybodys life and really moving them to want to live their life for him.I felt better then I ever had in my life. After thinking alot about my life before camp and everything it became clear to me what God wants in my life.I was sooooooo INCREDIBLY happy to hear Gods voice and to finally feel him with me.I learned so much that night and I felt so many happy feelings.It was an emotional yet amazingly wonderful night. Everything about that night spoke to me.I was so moved just by looking at the beautiful beach in the moonlight and see how truly amazing God is. I learned alot at camp.One of them was how prayer is really powerful and important.I mean before camp I knew that it is important and that u r talking to God about whats on your mind but I never realized until camp that when u r praying u r actually talking to god.Its like hes my best friend right next to me and we are just tlaking.I felt so great to just pray to God.Another thing I didnt learn but that God really made clear to me is that being in his word every single day was VERY important.I never really read my bible that much.Why? because a)i didnt understand it b) i got bored by it sadly c)i didnt have time to or d) i just didnt ever feel like reading.well now I am in the word every single day and i understand it, I NEVER get bored by it[[i cant believe I ever did get bored by it]],and I grow closer to god and really understand whats going on.Camp made me realize alot of things that have completly changed my life and I can honestly say that im giving up everything for him and I am living to be an ambassador of christ and really live my life for him and I can honestly now say that you have NO IDEA how AMAZINGLY GREAT it feels to say I AM IN LOVE WITH MY GOD! =]]] * that was my wonderful camp expierence and i didnt go into complete details about everything like the band and the speaker and if anybody would like me to then i would love to.=] this blog took me an hour and 10 min to write so i hope u like it.=]
world.
04.07.07 (10:49 pm) [edit]When i was just a lil kid, i thought that there was some bad stuff in the world but most of it was good.I thought that most people always did what they were supose to and did whats right and always went to church and that it would always be like that.I thought this up till summer before I started high school.Well when I got to high school and started hanging out with different people I realized that everything was completly different.At first it didnt seem that big of a deal to me cause it didnt seem like that many people were into bad stuff but then I realized theres ALOT of people like that.It caught me by surprise because I never expected the world to be like this.I didnt want the world to be like this.
Ive always have had a hard time staying strong in my relationship with god and being different then everybody else.I mean its not like I go off and smoke and do a bunch of crap or anything its just that I get so caught up in things in this world that I start to lose my time with god everyday or ill forget to pray.And once I realize what im doing I try immediatly to pray about it.I mean as christians we are supose to be different from the world, we are supose to be examples of how better life can be.....we arnt supose to conform to the way things work in this world and the way things are in this world.And thats what ive seen most in alot of people.Ive seen alot of people claim that they are christians but do things that are supose to set you apart from the rest of the world.I mean im not trying to be hypocritical or anything cause ive done some things that arnt the greatest but we are supose to be setting examples for people....we are supose to be becoming more and more like god and instead we do things that make people see different.And thats what im working on....to be an example for other people.
Like I said, when I was lil I thought most of the world was good. I never expected the world to be so bad with so much bad kind of stuff in it.Theres just so many things in this world that can keep you happy,ya they can keep you happy......but only temporarily.I dont see why someone wouldnt want to be happy for forever and have somthing that wont ever let them down.There is somthing SO much better then anything this world can give you but people still refuse to accept/believe it.Open your eyes..... is it gonna matter in about 10-15-20 yrs if you didnt smoke,drink,or anything else? is it gonna matter whether or not people thought you were kool? is it gonna matter whether or not you were gothic,preppy,punk,skater ,gangster and w/e else there is? Exactly, its not going to matter at all.Because honestly in about 15 yrs when your looking for a job and trying to make a living its not gonna matter if you looked kool doing somthing or if you were gothic-preppy-or w/e.Dont you want to do somthing thats good now thatll matter when you get older and that will always matter? God is the only one that matters now,tomorrow,next week,next year,and for forever.And honestly when you die gods not gonna be like "when you were 15 did you smoke to look kool for your friend?".Cause none of that stuff matters.It doesnt now and it never will.
Sometimes I wander why God let people have a decisoin whether or not they wanted to love him and follow him or not.Life wouldve def. been alot easier but ig thats the way its meant to be.I mean ik it doesnt seem like that big of a deal to other people if someone smokes or drinks or does other stuff but to me it does.I dont want to lose my friends over somthing stupid.But I know that God will take care of it cause he has a plan for EVERYTHING and either way it turns out it will be for the best! =]]]
& nbsp;
well that was some of my thoughts for the day.=] comment if you want.=]]]
?
04.07.07 (9:38 pm) [edit]Have you ever been so happy one way but also wanted things to be another way? You feel so happy and you dont want anything to change and you want everything to be like this till you die but yet....deep down you still want somthing.You dont know what to do,what to think,how to feel.all you know is that deep down you truly want somthing.I am not exactly sure how to feel or what to do but ik them im going to figure it out.=]
friends//music
02.17.07 (10:32 am) [edit]& nbsp; Friends are amazing.They are alaways there for you,they alaways help you,and they are there when you need a shoulder to cry on.Thats how my friends are and thats how they are alaways gonna be.=]
& nbsp; I love my friends, dont get me wrong or anything cause i love them.But right now they are making things so confusing in my life.I REALLY RELALY REALLY like this guy that asked me out and half of them are saying no and the rest are saying yes so im pretty confused.Believe me it is the HARDEST thing having best friends that hate eachothers guts.all of my best friends have someone else that they hate thats also my best friend.Its inredibly hard and i hate it.why cant we all just get along.that would be the GREATEST thing.
& nbsp; Theres been a couple of situations where my friends have been a big help but alos a couple of situations where theve been not help at all.There was this one were i really liked this guy but one of my best friends said i was stupid for liking him.And now i like the guy that said not to go out with the other guy and now the guy that i use to like says not to go out with the guy that i like now.ughh ya its really confusing.=[ I really want all my friends to get along but they wont.its very time consuming and very hard.
& nbsp; Somthen that ive been thinking about alot latly is music.Music is amazing,it says words i cant say,its my love.But is it really that bad to like/listen to punk rock,screamo and mabey some metal every once in awhile??? My parents are now telling me that they need to approve of the music i listen to.The music i listen to is not bad at all.The bands just happen to dress gothic and punk.My favorite bands are avenged sevenfold,AFI,kill hannah,underoath,the red jumpsuit apparatus,scary kids scaring kids and some other ones.those are all bands that dress gothic/punk but they dont have bad music AT ALL.so since they dont have bad music then why is it so wrong to listen to them???? i love my music and i love those bands.Thats the reason why im kinda doing....a study on music and im just kinda experimenting with different kinds of music.i dont like metal at all except for a couple of songs by lamb of god.but im listening to it to experiment with it and see why people like it so much.but my parents just HAVE to get in the way.but i think everything with me and my parents is getting better.theres also some bands that i refuse to listen to unless it just happens to come on in a store or somthen.some of those bands would be godsmack because of the name,marilyn mansion,lamb of god except one of their songs,and basically just alot of really bad hard metal or metal.i like screamo but metal is just like overboard on music.but ya i am experimenting with music and just listening to all the different kinds.i am actually thinking about mabey a career in music or somthen.that would be pretty fun! =]] well i just thought id tell u whats been goin on for me latly.=]] byee! =]
this week.
02.13.07 (6:53 pm) [edit]This week has been really fun but really hard.As usual i have been argueing and fighting with my parents and stuff.i just wish that my parents would leave me alone and just let me deal with my personal stuff the way i want to.they are constantly stepping in and trying to fix it themselves and they cant fix it.they are to strict on me and i have no idea what to do about it.they wont let me go to the mall which is when i ALAWAYS get to talk to the friends i never see at school(cant go cause alot of gang fights have happened)but the fights are over and they still wont let me go back.my best friend needs me to be there for him because hes upset about alot of stuff alot of the time but i cant cause my parents wont let me go anywhere that he can go.it makes me inredibly mad and upset.i have no idea what to do about it.sometimes i get so mad at my parents that i just need to be away from them and when my friend says i can go over to his house to talk to him about whats upsetting me and to watch tv my parents wont let me go.i mean i realize that it is a guys house but his parents are there and nothing would happen.ive known him for 5 yrs now and i know that nothing would happen.its getting pretty scary for me cause hes alaways talking about how he wants to die and how he hates his life.then sometimes ill call him and ask what hes doing and he will be like"im in the middle of killing myself." it scares the freaken crap out of me.hes my best friend in the whole world i can lose him and i dont know what i would do without him.he alaways needs me to talk to him but my parents wont let me talk on the phone or on the computer and they wont let me go to his house so that we can talk.i know my parents are being strict because they are protecting me but im so scared that one of these days i wont be able to talk to him and then his parents will call me and be like"he killed himself last night." that would be sooo hard for me.i cant lose him and i dont know what i would do without him so that would be my worst nightmare.so its pretty hard for me.
Another thing is that i keep growing farther and farther away from god.im trying to become closer to him and read my bible and pray alot about it but it doesnt seem to be getting any better at all.i desperatly need him but i have no idea how to be close to him again.its all so confusing and i need him just to work through my life and my best friends life.all that i know to do is pray alot about it constantly.i hope that everything gets better and i have faith in god that it will.if u have any advice or anything at all please send me a message or somthen or comment on this blog i could really use some advice about this stuff.please and thnx.=]] oh and please pray for my friend.he really needs his life to change around.thank you!
tried.
01.24.07 (2:22 pm) [edit] Life has been so hard latly.Im not exactly sure what to do about alot of things.So in order to explain some things i have to tell some things.
One of my best friends is in alot of trouble.Hes smoking...again and hes just into alot of bad things.Im not sure what to do about it.Hes a christian and everything but he just has alot of bad things in his life and he wants to be closer to god but hes to caught up on worldy things.Ive tried helping him and talking to him about everything but it doesnt seem to help.Im starting to get the feeling that not matter what im say to him and no matter what i do i cant do anything about it and hes just gonna have to change on his own.can i change it???? what should i tell him????
That is the main reason why I am so confused about life and everything.I dont understand how someone can have so much bad stuff in their life and not even care.I tried soo hard to help him to change his life around in a good way but its not changing at all.Im tired of worrying about him and im tired of everybody being rude to me about it.He is my bestfriend and i dont want to lose him because of cancer from smoking or some other stupid reason.So basically I have no idea what to say,what to do,what to think,or what to feel.And you know what makes everything even worse is that I like him like that and i dont want to.So now im even more confused.All I do and can do is pray but that doesnt seem to help.Does anybody have any advice on what to say to my friend or anything like that???? cause if u do i could definantly use it.:)
life latly.
01.13.07 (8:34 pm) [edit]So latly life for me has been really hard.Everything has been so confusing and i dont know what to do about any of it.My best friend tried to kill himself a week ago which has made this week been incredibly hard and confusing.Then my parents have been pretty rude to me and they dont understand what im going through or anything.Then my best friend(the one that tried to kill himself) got really really mad at me and i have no idea why.Its all been incredibly confusing and all i can/have been doing is praying about it.
Thats what ive been realizing alot latly.Is that you can run your life cause if you did everything would be a mess.Ive realized that you have to let god take control of your life or everything will be a mess and you wont be happy the way things would be.Ive realized that you cant handle everything that happens in your life.Only god can.Because in the end gods plan for you will make you happier then you couldve ever imagined.Thats whats been pretty hard for me latly.I have so many things i want to do and i tried to make them work but it wont work and i honestly think its cause its not gods plan for me.Its pretty hard because i want things to happen a certain way but its almost like i dont want to do what god says because im afraid that i will lost friends and this one special guy that i like.It scares me that i could lose him but i have to trust god.Thats what i need to do the most right now.Is trust in god.He will take care of everything that needs to be taken care of and i need to have faith in him.
But through all of this I have been praying ALOT about everything thats been hard for me.And for some weird reason...everything starts to get better and then it gets worse .Then it gets better and then it gets worse.Its weird I just want everything to be better.I know it will eventually get better for good and everything will be good but im still so confused.I was really confused about who i really am but i think thats better now.I was and still am confused about what to do with the guy i like.I like him ALOT ALOT ALOT but he still likes his ex and he flirts with a million other girls.What do you do in that situation? He is a really great guy and hes a christian but hes to caught up in wordly things and girls.Me and one of my other friends are trying to help him and help him get back to only caring about what god thinks and stuff like that.But its gonna take awhile to get him to realize stuff especially since i never see him AT ALL in school anymore.So im not exactly sure how to do it but me and my friend are worken on it.But I honestly think that in the end he will wont be so obsessed with other things and everything will be alot better but please pray for me and that everything will work out to be gods plan and work out for the best.thnx! =]
Im prayen for the strength to carry on.
01.06.07 (10:39 am) [edit]I am listening to this song right now and it really relates to me. Heres some of the lyrics.
How am I supose to be happy,
When all I ever wanted,
Comes with a price.
These lyrics explain exactly how i feel about some things.I really like this guy but as many other things, it comes with a price.My friends dont approve of him for me and I dont know what to do.I like him alot but i dont want to lose my friends cause some of them would be mad at me if i went out with him.So im not exactly sure what to do about it.
Im also listening to this other song.It also explains how i feel about everything thats hard for me in my life right now.Heres some of the lyrics
That song explains EXACTLY how i feel about everything going on in my life.Theres so many hard things but I pray about all of it all the time.For the longest time i was confused about stuff and everything was hard for me.There is still alot of stuff thats hard for me but its gradually getting better.Not everythings getting better but I know it will.Because god is gonna use all these bad and confusing things to make my life better.
I really like that song because it says "I feel broken and alone". Thats how i feel about some things.I feel so broken and like nobody else understands what im going through.I feel like i cant hear god telling me what to do in these situations.But its getting better though.Ive gotten closer to god and i now know what he wants me to do with some of the things in my life but just not all of them.=]] But everything is starting to change around.And through this whole thing, God wanted me to learn to have more faith in him.Thats the reason for everything.=]
Everything.
01.05.07 (4:53 pm) [edit]Everything in my life has been so hard latly.I never know what to do about anything, I never know whats right, and I never know what god wants me to do. Its all so confusing and I never have near enough time to just think about things and figure them out.
I struggle with so many things.I struggle with thinking im fat, with school,with friends,with staying focused on god.I struggle with so many things I honestly am to now where I dont know what to do or who to talk to about it.I pray about everything constantly but nothing seems to be happening.Nothing is going easier and my mountain of hard things in my life is getting higher and higher.I am so confused and it never seems to be getting any better, its pretty much getting worse.
But its not all getting worse.Some things have gotten better.Ive gotten closer to god.Not as close as i want to be but closer.I just hope everything will continue to get better.Please pray for me.I really need things to get better.
comments are welcome =]
2007
01.01.07 (8:40 am) [edit]Well its 2007 everyone!!! I was on the phone with my friends on the phone last night while i watched the ball drop.It was really fun.While it just turned 2007 my and my friends jason and levi started saying all this stuff like"first time on myspace in 2007" and "first person i talked to in 2007".haha.While i was talking to them i was thinking about 2006 and all that has happened in it.
2006 went by really fast for me.So much happened and went on.There was lots of bad times but also lots of good times that im gonna remember forever.But overall it was a great year.I just hope i dont lose any friends or anything this year.I almost lost one of my best friends last year and i dont want to lose him.But if it happens then itll be for the best.well i hope everyone has a great 2007!!
happy new years everyone!!!!!!
my new years resolution is to be a better christian and a great friend.
christmas eve.
12.28.06 (8:19 pm) [edit]Well i was thinking about everything tonight and i was thinking about christmas and how it was good...and then i thought about christmas eve.
On christmas eve, i went with my grandparents to their church's christmas eve service.The preacher was talking and then after he was talking he said that we were gonna have communion.My grandma told my grandad to go and sit on the other side of her so that he wouldnt feel bad and akward when they brought the communion plates to our row.So my grandad went and sat by my grandma.The ushers came to our row and passed it down.My whole family thought that my grandad was just going to pass it to the next person but.... he didnt.He took it from the plates.We were all suprised especially my grandma.She started crying and i didnt know why.So i asked her and she said "your grandad has never taken comunion before and he wants to." When my grandma said that, it just completly changed me.It changed the way i was thinking about stuff, it changed the way i felt about stuff, it changed the way i was.
I was so happy.I had never seen my grandma be so happy that she was crying.It just completly changed me.All these emotions and thoughts just started running through my head.I felt so happy and excited.And that was the one moment when i first realized, my grandma is an amazing person and shes the best person to talk to about ANYTHING.She helps me,prays with me,gives me the best advice,and best of all... she doesnt judge me on things i do and the way i think.she understands me.I love my grandma...she has honestly become one of my best friends and i dont care at all what anyone thinks about that.
comments please.:)
tried to be everything that you ever wanted.
12.27.06 (4:42 pm) [edit]I was listening to this song on my myspace and some of the lyrics were"i tried to be perfect.I tried to be honest.I tried to be everything that you ever wanted" And i just randomly thought " that sounds like me".
About 4 months ago i went out with this guy, and we broke up 2 weeks later.I really liked him for like 1 and 2 months after we broke up. I tried everything to get him back.I tried acting like the type of girl that he would like, didnt work.I tried everything that i could think of.I just couldnt understand why he didnt like me.After awhile when i got really tired of not being myself so i gave up.
I didnt get tired of the guy not liking me but i got tired of acting like someone completly different then the real me.I hated it.So i finally thought"if he doesnt like me like that or even as a friend, then he doesnt like me."
That story is what made me start writing alot of blogs about how i feel and other stuff i think about.Im honestly glad that that happened because if it wouldnt have, then i wouldnt be the person that i am today.And i like the person i am today.=] So basically what im saying is dont ever change the way you are for someone else.Because if that person doesnt like you then they just dont know what they are missing out on.=]] Just move on and you will find someone that you like alot and the other person will like u alot and itll be way better relationship then the one you ever thought was possible.=DD
christmas!
12.25.06 (4:03 pm) [edit]My christmas was really good! I got a cell phone! which made me incredibly happy.And i got a piccolo because im in band and i might tryout to play piccolo at the end of this year.I got some other really great stuff to! It has been a really fun christmas....except im still kinda sick.=[ but other then that its been really fun!
& nbsp; The best part was just being with my family and seeing how they loved to just be together and stuff.it was great.I honestly think that i was the happiest seeing my parents and grandparents open their gifts.they were so happy and thankful for their gifts and the time my family put into buying them.it made me feel all good inside. =]]] haha.
So how was everyone elses christmas????? Im hoping it was pretty good! I know that this girl from my church's christmas wasnt very good because her uncle committed suicide on saturday morning.so im pretty sure she was really sad today.If you dont mind, can you please be praying for her.she is really upset right now.I know that she would appreciate it!
Somthing that i was going to do this year but didnt because i forgot about it with finals at school and everything else was doing the lil thingy where u buy a present for a kid in the hendrick home(kids who dont have parents but have houseparents) and give it to them.I really wanted to because i have some friends that live there and they alaways work so hard and dont get very much.But i completly forgot about it this year and i remembered like a week before today(christmas) but by then it wasnt going on anymore.so i felt kinda bad.But i am defenantly going to remember to do it next year because i know that those kids deserve it!
well that was my christmas! 
punk-prep
12.23.06 (6:46 pm) [edit]Ok well i was just thinking about alot of stuff and i was wandering somthing so i thought i would write it in a blog and see what other people think.
I was wandering....is it bad to be punk instead of preppy when your a christian and a good girl?? i really like punk clothes but i feel weird sometimes when i wear punk stuff.is it bad to look punk when u are a follow the rules kind of girl? im just a lil confused.i would really like to know what u think about it.=]
mirrors.
12.23.06 (10:08 am) [edit]my life latly.=]]]
12.21.06 (2:30 pm) [edit]So latly ive been thinking about alot of stuff. Mostly stuff like my life,this guy i like,things i want to do in my life,my friends,the way i am.
One of the things ive been thinking about alot is my life and the way im living it right now.Ive been pretty confused about alot of it.Because my life has been different the past month or two.As most of my friends know, ive been wearing more punk stuff then usual.i honestly have no idea why.i think i honestly got tired of looking preppy all the time.ya ik idk what i was thinking.but i just got tired of it so i started wearing more punk stuff.And as i wore more punk stuff i finally just one day was like"what am i doing, this isnt me." So i started thinking about it and i realized i wasnt the same person i use to be.
Once i finally realized that, i started to wander who i really am.I wanderd "is this me? is this the real me?."
After awhile i got tired of wearing punk stuff, i felt weird.And i all the sudden one day i just all the suddenly thought today"i miss the real me." i honestly hate the way i was when i wore punk stuff.it wasnt me and i didnt like it.but now im back to wearing mostly preppy stuff. So i decided to go back to the old me. Ive been alot happier since i went back to the old me.But not everything has gone back to the way it use to be.I miss how i use to write.i use to write really good and now i just dont have any ideas but its gradually going back to the way it use to be.I miss the way i use to never care what anyone thought about me.But thats going back the way it use to be too.=]]] I miss the bridget that use to love to sing,that loved photography,that loved writing, and only cared about what god thought about her. But its getting better but still needs to get a lil better =]]].haha.But since all this has happened its made me realized how i love the way i am.and now that ive gone like sorta halfway punk.... im not gonna change unless its for the better..i love the way i am and its gonna stay that way =]]]]]].
2006
12.16.06 (11:09 am) [edit]Well as everyone knows, the end of the year is comming and a new year is about to begin.I dont know about anyone else but for me this whole year has gone by SUPER fast!
Theres been so many things happen this year.Good and bad.But i dont regret any of it.Everything that has happened this year and its all made me a stronger person.I have found one of the greatest friends.He has helped me so much.Hes made me a stronger person and he is one of the greatest people and he is SUPER fun to be around.
I have also grown alot in my relationship with god this year.That has made me incredibly happy.I have changed alot this past year.Not for bad but for good.I am completly different then i was a year ago which is good. :) haha
Since the end of this wonderful year is comming to an end pretty soon it makes me think about what will happen next year.Theres going to be alot of hard things happen for me but also alot of good things.Im looking forward to next year as long as i still have all my same friends.I think i would die if i lost any of my friends.Like freddy,jason g.,jason r.jaime,sarah,ashley,philip ,evan,travis,austin.If i left u out im sorry i have to many friends! haha but anyways....i dont want to lose them.any of them.I love them all!
I am actually looking forward to the new year.New friends,new people to meet,closer relationship with god,getting better grades(hopefully),havin tons of fun,the trips im gonna go on! Its going to be so much fun! The new year is going to be filled with tons of things that may make or break me.But either way.....Im not going to regret things and im just gonna look at everything like its all making me stronger. 
enjoy life.
12.13.06 (8:35 pm) [edit]Latly i have been thinking about how some people just spend their time trying to look "cool" for other people or just trying to be stupid.
"LIfe's to short to care about what others think". That happens to be one of my favorite quotes.I like it because its soo true! People spend to much time worrying about what other think and trying to be kool for people.
Ive seen some people at school wanting to do somthing and end up not doing it because they might look stupid or weird.I dont see why people care so much about what other people think.If i want to do somthing then i do it unless itll end up hurting me or not good for me.I honestly dont care about what other people think about me.It wastes my time when i could be having fun instead of just sitting there and being like"oh well ig i wont cause thats kinda weird".
You never know when you are going to die.It could be in 10 yrs,in 1 yrs,tomorrow,or even tonight.Im not saying that ur gonna die soon but im saying that you never know when you are going to die so stop trying to look cool for other people and just do what u want to do.If you do what you want to do then you will end up happier.One example of people being scared of what other people would think about somthing is when a guy asks a girl out and the girl likes the guy but they are scared to go out with him cause they are scared that all the other girls wont think hes hott or cute.well guess what???....... IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT OTHERS THINK IF YOU LIKE THE PERSON! If you like the person then go out with them if you feel like its the best for you.who cares if other girls think hes ugly! You may think hes hott and everyone else might think hes ugly but who cares......if you like him then it doesnt matter cause god might want u to go out with that person.u never know.
I went out with this guy last year and i knew everybody thought that i was to good for him and that he was ugly.But u know what..... i didnt care what everyone else thought at all.I liked him and thats all that mattered.Everyone kept saying"ew why r u going out with him hes ugly".I was going out with him because i really liked his personality alot.I dont look at looks.I look at personality cause thats all that matters.
Bottom line, it doesnt matter what other people think because you will end up happier.If you do what other people say u should do then you will end up incredibly sad and not happy at all.Bottom line, dont care about what others think, only care about what you and god think.
My day at school.
12.11.06 (2:04 pm) [edit]Hmm well today at school, my day was.......intresting.my day was good till lunch.I got up from my table to go talk to one my friends and i fell on my hands and knees.It wasnt like in the middle of the cafeteria but it was where lots of people could see me.Everybody was cracking up at me and i felt soooo emberessed.
Then after lunch i was walking with the guy that i like to my 4th period class and he asked out a girl right in front of me which made me kinda sad.
Then in 4th period i kept getting hit with papers that people were throwing and my knee hurt like crap from falling.
But my day got better at the end of the day in 7th period cause we had a sub and i got to sit by ashley and we cracked up like all period.So it was all good
Yepp that was my intresting day! 
rules.
12.07.06 (8:27 pm) [edit]Yesterday in spanish, my teacher was talking to this guy in my class about how when you enroll in a school, then you are submitting yourself to their rules.Like when you sign up for school, you are basically saying you are going to go by their rules.She was saying how he needs to stop goofing around and be mature and go by the rules.Well that reminded me how that is the way it is with God.
When you ask god to come into your heart, you are saying to him that you want to be with him forever and that you are going to do what he wants to and go by the rules.God wants us to do what he says is what we are supose to do but we dont allaways do it.
When you ask God to come into your heart, you are saying that you are going to go by his rules and do what he wants you to do.But instead we are like"well he thinks its cool to do this so im gonna do it". Thats not the way things are supose to be.You are supose to do things the way God wants it no matter how emberessing,weird, or impossible it may seem to you.God wants you to do it event though other people may be laughing at you for it.Alot of people think that they can do whatever they want to do, and you can as long as thats what God wants you to do.Either that or they just completly forget about god and do whatever everybody else is doing or do what makes them look "cool".If you are going to claim that you are a christian then you need to act like it.Dont say that you are a christian and then act completly different.God would want you to claim that you love him whether its in front of a ton of popular people or if its just to yourself
It can be really hard to live like this though.I know how it feels to really really want to do somthing but God says not to.Its an incredibly hard thing to do.But go by Gods rules and life will be better then you ever imagined.Basically what im saying is that if your going to claim you are a christian, then act like one and go by Gods rules, not everybody elses.
comments please!
my friend-what went wrong.
12.03.06 (12:18 pm) [edit]i was talking to my friend, the one the i wrote a blog saying that we wernt friends anymore,and i finally realized what went wrong when we were friends.
I felt really bad for all of the sudden leaving him and not being friends with him anymore so I sent him and i.m and i said"hey how are ya?" and he said"my grandmas in the hospital dying, i have a total of 3 friends, and the girl I like pretends i dont exsist".Thats what made me realize what made him be really rude to me when we were friends.I didnt see it before but the reason he was mad all the time and was really rude to me was cause theres alot of things going on in his life that are bad and he doesnt know what to do.I felt soooooooo bad when he said that cause i was one of many people who just up and left him and stopped being friends with him.
He is one of those people who has alot of stuff going wrong for him in his life and so he takes his anger out on his friends.He needs his friends to be there for him even though hes rude.He doesnt know what to do because he feels like gods never there for him and everything.He needs people that he can trust, and people that will stick by him all the time. Even though he has been really rude to me, I am going to forgot about what he said and still be friends with him cause he needs me to be there for him.Plus everything that he said is in the past and i honestly dont care anymore.
Ill alaways be there for you.
<3
Judging-everyones beautiful =]]]]
12.02.06 (3:30 pm) [edit]Somthing ive been thinking about alot latly is how the world is.Who are we to judge? Some people just completly are rude or treat people like crap just cause they dont dress a certain way or dont act a certain way.Someone might not be skinny,someone might not have the best clothes ever,someone might not be the hottest person ever,someone might dress different then you,someone might be incredibly smart,someones choice of clothing might not be popular,but it doesnt matter because we are all the same.not better and not worse.just because you dont like the way someone dressed acts or does things doesnt give you the right to make fun of them or judge them.because the person might like dressing that way or acting that way even though its not cool to do that.We shouldnt care about what others think.You might want to do somthing really really bad and not do it because it wasnt cool to and then end up regretting not doing it.it doesnt matter what other people think.if u wanna do somthing then do it.if people make fun of u for it then they arnt the kind of people you should be around or be friends with.im a complete dork but i dont care what people think of that!!!! i have friends that dc if i look stupid doing what im doing and they love me for who i am.your friends should be like that to.But the whole point of this is that it doesnt matter how a person looks or dresses like or acts.everyone is beautiful in there own way.=]]]]]
relationships
11.30.06 (12:11 pm) [edit]Somthing that i have been thinking about latly is relationships.particurly bf/gf relationships.I have seen soooo many people get hurt because of somthing that went wrong in their relationship or somthen.Thats why i think its honestly best that you know the person for awhile before dating them.I mean like ive seen other people just know the person for about a month or so and then just all the sudden decide that they like them and they go out with them.I dont know how anyone else feels about this but for me i want to know the guy for at least 6 months before going out with him.Because of some relationships in the past i dont trust guys with bf/gf relationships till ive known them for awhile.Because some of my past bf's ended up being rude and just told me incredibly rude stuff all the time.So now im not dating because i dont even see a point in dating when ur only 15 years old.So im waiting for a guy that will treat me right and be nice and sweet to me.Im looking for a guy who is christian and can help me grow more in my faith with god.and i havnt found that in a guy yet so thats the reason why i dont have/want a bf right now.Well thats one reason..... the other reason is that i have some other things im doin.Plus im just having fun doin stuff with my friends!!!!!!!!!
comment if u want to =]]]]]
This guy.
11.29.06 (8:07 pm) [edit]Theres this one guy and he use to be my friend and im kinda worried about him.we stopped being friends about a week ago.Most of his friends have stopped being his friend because he is rude to everyone.And that has made him really sad and upset and kinda mad too.So he has hardly any friends now.He is a christian but he has some things wrong in his life and it affects the way he acts around other people.But im worried about him because he wont let me be his friend and he needs someone that he can trust to be his friend.Hes one of those guys that use to alaways say"i hate my life, i wanna die" and that makes me scared that hes gonna try to do somthing bad.not necisarly kill himself but do somthen else bad.I told him that im alaways here for him but i dont think he believes me.I want him to be closer to god and to have a better life and in order to have a better life with more friends and everything he has to be close to god but he is to busy with caring about what other people think about him and the girl he likes.It mean alot to me if everyone would pray for him.He needs everything to get better so plleeeaaaaaaasssssssseeee eee pray for him.thank you =]]]
Brokenness
11.29.06 (7:57 pm) [edit]Tonight at church the service was about brokenness and how god is always there when you are broken.this really spoke to me cause latly theres been alot of things happening that have made me upset and sad.That just made me feel really good and stuff cause it reminded me how god is alaways there for you in good and bad times and how god is alaways gonna use the bad things in your life to make your life better.I was soooo happy tonight at church because i finally felt like someone was there for me and understood how i feel about everything.It made me realize that god will mend the broken roads.I dont know about anyone else but that give me hope to go on tomorrow and every other day.=]]]]
school.
11.28.06 (1:53 pm) [edit]school freaken sucks right now.i am failing english and near failing biology and geography.i can never get good grades in those classes.its just sucks cause i never have fun anymore cause band is freaken boring now and so all i do at school is be bored and get bad grades.i hate school.its just soooo hard cause i dont know anything on my quizes and tests and and top of that my parents make everything worse and on top of that i have personal stuff im working on.its to much and i cant do it all.idk what to do.theres absolutly no time to study for my tests.and when i do have time i spend it studying for my INCREDBIBLY hard tests in biology that i alaways fail.so as of right now i hate school.but im working on it.i wouldnt mind if yall prayed for me =]]]]
parents
11.27.06 (4:23 pm) [edit]parents are so annoying.they never butt out of your life when you need them to.they are constantly bugging you.when you need time to just be alone and think about things they are ALAWAYS right in your face asking you about homework,whats going on in a week for band.i mean for peat sake.i need my time just to sit by myself and think about stuff but do i ever get it??? nope.parents are never there for u except to tell u when you are wrong and to annoy you.haha sorry ya i am just kinda mad at my parents soooo ya haha.had to get that out.does anybody else feel this way??? well ill write later.
2 of my fav songs =]]
11.25.06 (9:32 pm) [edit]When I see your smile Tears run down my face I can't replace And now that I'm strong I have figured out How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Seasons are changing And waves are crashing And stars are falling all for us Days grow longer and nights grow shorter I can show you I'll be the one I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart Please don't throw that away Cuz I'm here for you Please don't walk away and Please tell me you'll stay, stay Use me as you will Pull my strings just for a thrill And I know I'll be okay Though my skies are turning gray I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven [to fade] Your gardian angel - by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus ------------------------- ------------------------- - You are not a god Created by human hands You are not a god Dependant on any mortal man You are not a god In need of anything we can give By Your plan, that’s just the way it is [chorus] You are God alone From before time began You were on Your throne Your are God alone And right now In the good times and bad You are on Your throne You are God alone You’re the only God Whose power none can contend You’re the only God Whose name and praise will never end You’re the only God Who’s worthy of everything we can give You are God And that’s just the way it is [chorus] Unchangeable Unshakable Unstoppable That’s what You are You are God alone - by Phillips Craig And Dean